Personal Training, Fitness and Nutrition Motivation

Thursday, May 16, 2019

Is Your Spouse Supporting or Sabotaging Your Fitness Efforts?

You've made the decision to get healthy and fit. Great!

If you're sharing life with a spouse or significant other, they may not be on the same page. This happens more often than not.

But for some reason, many people think the person they live with is a mind reader - that somehow your thought processes and desires auto-transfer into their brain - wrong. This is how unrealistic expectations, frustration, and even anger can happen.

If both of you are making the decision to get fit together, the journey is supportive and enjoyable. When only one partner makes the choice to improve their health, it can be problematic - but not impossible.

I have worked with clients where the non-participating spouse is unsupportive and does everything to sabotage fitness efforts. It can get ugly and takes strength, calm, and lots of self-love to handle this scenario.

It will require getting healthy while still loving your spouse just as they are. What?!

But I Want Support

You have made an important life decision to get healthy and want to feel supported by your partner. The truth is all you may get is an eye roll and avoidance starting the process.

If you're sitting home waiting for your spouse to make fitness happen for you, it will never happen. Waiting often keeps you from being the person you dream of being. You may very well be in a situation where you receive no support at all.

It's time for you to start thinking realistically. It's up to you to achieve your own goals. True happiness, success, and good health come from each individual person. Why keep looking on the outside for someone or something to make it happen for you? This includes the person you share your life with.

This means your support may not come from your spouse. You may need to enlist help from a friend, join a gym, or hire a personal trainer. You may also discover inner strength and motivation to do this on your own. Whatever it takes to keep your promise to yourself to get healthy is what matters.

Doing It Alone Sucks

Making the choice to get healthy is awesome but can feel very challenging when you're married and doing it alone. Your day to day routine will differ from your spouse and even change your marriage.

You find dinner means eating salad and chicken while your partner orders in pizza. It will take a while to adjust to this new healthy life. It will also take all the strength you have not to give into temptation.

The best you can do is live a healthy example. Hopefully, you will inspire your mate to appreciate and desire what they see in you. This takes patience and lovingly saying 'no thank you' to the cake and ice cream.

It Feels Scary Getting Fit Alone

Getting fit means doing new things. When you're married, you often depend on that together shelter to help reduce fear and anxiety. When your partner opts out, it's up to you to go solo. It may be a scary thing, but walking through a bit of fear and insecurity will be necessary to start your journey to getting healthy.

If you are the type of person that likes a workout partner, check out a few online fitness meet up groups in your area. Focus on group physical activities that sound fun and not intimidating at first. This is a great way to meet people who more than likely feel just like you. You will discover new friends and gain a support group from others who do want to get fit.

Setting an Example for Your Marriage

Getting fit alone can feel weird but it also allows you to set an example in your marriage. This means you are taking yourself back and not dependent on your spouse in a negative way. You are now a motivator and feeling great about that.

Health and happiness are contagious. What you're doing is making a positive difference for you and your spouse. Even if they are unwilling to admit it.

Change and Positive Attitude

Are you changing and getting healthy for yourself? Saying yes to this question is key. Getting fit is not about changing for someone else, or hoping that the one you're with will change. Sometimes this doesn't happen and acceptance of this truth is crucial. Regardless of anyone else, it's you who controls your health, happiness, and life.

You have a positive attitude about getting healthy because it's a choice that you made for you. 

I Feel Angry at My Spouse

Are you getting healthy and feel angry at your mate for not going along with the program? Why?

We each decide how to live life and it comes down to personal choices. You are responsible for how to respond to life’s circumstances and people. This includes those near and dear.

Take a look at your parents, grandparents, children, etc. Are you angry with them or do you accept them as they are regardless of the quality of their health? This stance needs to be taken with your partner as well. Your choice to improve the quality of your health belongs to you, not your spouse.

In a perfect world, we would all be healthy and happy. However, we are on our own time clocks for life transitions. The very best you can do is enjoy your journey to good health, and be a walking example for your spouse.

So, grab an apple, give a kiss to the couch potato and go for a walk/jog.

My Spouse is Sabotaging My Efforts

Your decision to get healthy is being met with sabotage from your spouse. They are bringing home pints of ice cream, burgers and fries to share all in the name of love. Well, at least that's what they're saying. This is not loving but manipulation and an attempt to derail your fitness efforts. Not accepting their gesture usually leads to making you feel guilty for not partaking. Don't fall for it nor get into a fight about it.

It can feel difficult for the non-participating spouse to suddenly be alone in their unhealthy habits. Just as you felt uneasy about getting healthy alone, they are now alone with the pizza and beer. Each of you needs to work through these feelings without trying to change the other.

Sabotage will require loving strength. You will need to develop the art of healthy communication. Appreciate the thoughtfulness of your spouse, but also let them know the reason why you are unable to accept the pies and cake. All this is communicated calmly but with confidence. 

You can't waiver from the promise to yourself to get fit. If the unsupportive spouse sees a soft spot, they will go for it. Stay strong, calm, and be able to say no thank you with a smile. 

You may think it's your spouse sabotaging your efforts, but it's you making the choices. You can give in and eat the fries or choose to eat the quinoa bowl waiting in the refrigerator. The choice and control are yours.

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  1. WONDERFUL POST DARLA, as usual. You rock. Easy to read WHY you do- it's not just a physical transformation is it? I believe it starts and continues in the mind just as equally. ;-)

  2. Replies
    1. Thanks, and a topic that very much needs to be covered more in the mainstream. Stay Healthy!


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